So here I am, on my way to Sweden...

Check ya later SUCKAS!

What the hell is it about taking a friend or family member out to dinner before they leave on a big trip?  Well, the longer the trip the more people you have to say goodbye to.  That means a lot of dinners.   Actually it meant a lot of breakfasts, lunches, dinners, drinks, shots, and great gifts… and seeing people that I haven’t seen for way longer than what the duration of this trip will be (4-5 months.) Never being able to turn down a free meal I think I may have eaten out at restaurant about an average of 2.3 times a day in the last two weeks.  It was great, people took a lot of pity on the fact that I am going to be poor and starving student in Europe for the upcoming semester.  It was great to be taken out so much by all of you generous assholes.  I say asshole because right now I am crammed in between two middle-aged men on a flight to Iceland with an uncomfortable amount of gas in my stomach.

Why am I sitting in a middle seat, do you ask?  I did the responsible thing and went ahead picking out my seats in advance during the online check-in process.  Well as I am awkwardly trying to cram my long board and back pack in the overhead compartment I see my window seat.  MY window seat that I took the responsibility to reserve ahead of time.  While waiting to get onto my first flight I noticed an overly affection couple in line (*gag*.)  After boarding I noticed Mr. Happy Hands was going to be in the seat next to me, but on the other side of him was a frumpy looking German woman with a mustache, and not his obnoxious international traveling companion.  At the very same split second I had this revelation the doucher opens his mouth and asks me “Hey would you be willing to switch spots for a middle seat two rows back?”  To which I awkwardly hesitated, to which he awkwardly and half-ass withdrew his request…

In the end I decided I didn’t want this ass-hat to be in my personal bubble for the next 5 hours anyway.  So I took up camp between a Geology professor from the University of Denver and a quirky guy who watched 3 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and read romance novels.  I have a fart the size of a grapefruit traveling about a foot per hour through my intestines… but things are starting to make a turn for the best.  The air is so dry in this cabin that I’m starting to lose my sense of smell, which is fantastic because I think airplanes smell like stale make-out breath and elderly incontinent briefs.

Mom: "Shit this is going to be expensive."
Dad: "Well at least we saved $10 by not parking and just dropping her off at the door!"